


Second Thoughts

by ProjectOrthus



Series: The Weight of Mandalore [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bo-Katan needs therapy, Complicated Relationships, Death Watch (Star Wars), F/F, Family Issues, Father-Daughter Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian Bo-Katan Kryze, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:01:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29684349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProjectOrthus/pseuds/ProjectOrthus
Summary: Bo-Katan’s place as Pre Vizsla’s lieutenant brings with it quite a bit of pressure, and deep down, she still loves Satine. Haunted by the memories of the bombings she helped lead, Bo battles the moral implications of what she’s doing. She’s never felt more at home, more full of conviction about anything’s she’s done before this. But doubt finds ways of seeping through the cracks.
Relationships: Bo-Katan Kryze & Pre Viszla, Bo-Katan Kryze/Ursa Wren
Series: The Weight of Mandalore [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2201613
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Second Thoughts

The Death Watch camp on Carlac was peaceful at night. Tents were set up side by side, full of cots, full of soldiers. The low sound of a bes’bev could be heard, if you listened close enough, just under the chatter of sleepless Mandalorian warriors. Pre Vizsla had his own tent, just a bit smaller than the communal ones. 

And Bo-Katan slept in the tent with the rest of Pre’s closest circle. She had a slightly larger cot, which was spaced slightly farther from the rest of her tent mates. On Mandalore, as a child, Bo shared a room with Satine. She got the smaller bed, because she was younger. Bo felt important on Carlac, by Pre’s side. It was something she wasn’t used to feeling. 

That night, Bo found herself unable to sleep. She wasn’t quite sure why. Ever since joining the Death Watch, especially after her sister knew about it, Bo had had trouble sleeping. The first bombings of Mandalorian cities had left Bo... shaken. She didn’t know what to feel. Part of her felt intense pride, remembering the way that Pre had looked at her. Like she had done something right. That he was proud of her. But whenever she closed her eyes, she remembered those streets the way they had been when she was young. And the people who had inevitably died in those explosions. The explosions that she helped set off. 

She stood just outside the camp, beskar left behind in her tent, wrapped in a blanket against the cold. She stared out over the dark snowy landscape, letting the chill of the night seep through her blanket and flight suit, raising gooseflesh on her skin. In her head, Kalevala burned in bright spires of yellow flame. 

“You’re up late,” 

Bo snapped out of her memories, head spinning quickly around to the man beside her. Pre Vizsla gave her an amused smile. Bo let out a sigh of relief. 

“Oh,” she said. “It’s just you. You snuck up on me.”

“You shouldn’t let your guard down like that,” Pre said. “What if I had been an enemy?””Then I would have been dead,” said Bo. Just like the people of Kalevala, she thought. 

Pre studied her face carefully, a small flash of concern crossing his features. “What’s on your mind?”

Bo sighs. “Just... the war.”

“You’re not having any second thoughts, are you?””No! No. No, my place is here,” her voice was full of conviction. That much she was certain of. “By your side. I just... I miss when things were simpler. When Sa-“ she stopped herself. Don’t say her name. 

“Satine?” Pre’s voice was almost gentle. “That coward doesn’t deserve the title Duchess. Mandalore will be better off without her. You know this.” 

Right. Killing Satine. Bo tried not to think about that. She hated when Pre mentioned it. Her heart was full of hatred towards her sister. The coward. The disgrace to the Kryze name. Bo’s father would be rolling in his grave if he knew what Satine was doing to Mandalore. But deep down, Bo still loved her. She didn’t want to see her big sister die. And she didn’t want to be the one who did it. But she pushed those feelings down. She couldn’t feel that if she was to be Pre’s lieutenant. 

So Bo nodded instead, eyes fixed on the snow. She doesn’t know how to respond to that without her emotions showing through her voice. She feels Pre’s hand on her shoulder and looks over at him, eyes wide. 

“Bo-Katan,” he said. “I’m proud of you. You know that, right?””I-“ Bo tries to find words. Fails. That’s all she’s ever wanted to hear. Words she never heard from her own father. 

“And what we’re doing is going to better Mandalore in ways that will put our names in the history books,” Pre continued. “They’re going to remember us.”

She steadies herself, drawing her mind back out from doubt, as she’s taught herself to do over her time in Death Watch. There is no room for doubt as Pre’s lieutenant. “Yes,” she said, filling her voice with false conviction. “They are.”

Pre removed his hand from Bo’s shoulder. “You should get back to your bunk. It’s late.”

“Why are you up, Pre?” Bo asked.

“Strategizing,” said Pre dismissively. “I’ll rest soon. But there are more important things than sleep when you plan on overthrowing a government. You, however, need to be on the top of your game. I expect you to be well rested tomorrow.””I can’t sleep,” Bo admitted. “I’m...” worried. But she couldn’t say it. Not in front of Pre. 

But Pre understood. “Go see Ursa. That always calms you down. Hell, spend the night with her. As long as it gets you to sleep.”

Then, he left, walking back through the snow to the camp, leaving Bo alone. She sighed. How could he chose someone so pathetic for his lieutenant? She tried to hide it, but she knew that he saw through it. Bo was torn apart by her sister. The one scrap of family she had left, gone. And her nephew with it. Pre was the closest Bo had to a father. But even then, Bo had never been comfortable showing her vulnerability around her parents. 

The only person was Ursa Wren, a Nite Owl who Bo had known since she led the group. Their relationship had escalated quickly from acquaintances to friends to lovers, though they tried to keep it out of their lives as Nite Owls. Bo couldn’t let her feelings for Ursa interfere with her place as lieutenant, and Ursa understood. They were terrifying in battle together, and spent most of their down time by each other’s sides. Ursa was really the only person who Bo had fully opened up to about her doubts. 

And as she walked back to the tents, Bo could see Ursa standing outside of hers, evidently having been woken by Pre. Bo sighed. She didn’t have a choice now. Ursa took her hand and led her into the tent, past the few other sleeping soldiers and to Bo’s cot. She sat Bo down, wordlessly pulling the blanket off of her hand cupping her cheeks in her hands. 

“Pre said you couldn’t sleep,” Ursa said. “What’s on your mind?”

Bo raised a hand, brushing Ursa off. She sighed. “Are we really going to kill her?”

Ursa didn’t have to ask who Bo was referring to. “Yes. Pre is set on it,” she examined Bo’s face. “You still love her.”

Bo lay down on the bed, covering her face with her hands and sighing deeply again. She didn’t want to answer that. Ursa lay down beside her, drawing the blanket over the two of them and resting her forehead gently against Bo’s. She took her hand. 

“We do what we must,” said Ursa. “And sometimes it’s difficult. But you are one of the most terrifying people I have ever had the pleasure to meet. You’re strong, cyar’ika. Pre knows that. Why else would he make you a lieutenant?”

Bo looked into Ursa’s eyes, desperate. “You’re all I have left,” she said quietly. 

Bo didn’t have to say anything more. Ursa wrapped her arms around the woman, drawing her close to her and whispering in her ear. “Gar dral, Bo-Katan. Whatever happens, you will come out on top. Do you still love your sister?”

It was clever of Ursa, adding that question in after words of comfort. It caught Bo off guard enough for her to speak in a choked whisper. “Yes,”

Ursa nodded, running a gentle hand through Bo’s hair. She drew away from the hug, taking a moment to examine Bo’s face in the dim of the tent. “It’s hard, letting go of our family. Satine practically raised you. Despite everything, you’re going to love her. I’m incredibly lucky, having my family on my side. But you know what that means, Bo? You’re better than her. Stronger.”

Bo bowed her head. She didn’t respond. Ursa embraced her again, sighing deeply. War was never easy. Both women had suffered great losses, as had everyone in the Death Watch. Sacrifices they made in order to fight for what they believed in. Ursa was surprised that Bo could hold it together half of the time. Watch Pre plot Satine’s murder with such a calm, determined expression. Because under it all, there’s was still conflict. That, Ursa knew, would never go away. The best that any of them could do was continue to tell themselves that they were in the right. What they were doing was what needed to be done. Despite the innocent lives lost, the families turned on, it was all for the good of Mandalore. 

Bo pressed her face into Ursa’s shoulder, letting the woman’s breathing sync with her own, calming her down. She could feel the tiredness creep in. With Ursa, she felt safe enough to express her unease. 

“Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum,” she muttered. 

Ursa held her closer, nodding. “You too. Everything will be alright. It will work out. I /promise/. No force in the galaxy can stop Bo-Katan Kryze.”

“Especially beside Ursa Wren,” Bo said with a small smile. 

“Exactly,“ Ursa squeezed Bo’s shoulder gently. “Now quiet. You need your sleep. We both do.”

The pair fell silent, arms wrapped around each other, eyes closed, letting the faint sound of snow on the tent lull them to sleep. Bo’s breathing was slow and calm against Ursa’s chest as she drifted off. She knew that if her dreams brought back memories of Kalevala, she wouldn’t have to fight them off alone. That’s all that mattered to Bo. That she wasn’t alone. The Death Watch gave her purpose, but without Ursa and Pre, she would be lost.


End file.
